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Boy, Bye

We met once. I had no intentions of seeing or running into this guy ever again. But when he took it upon himself to crash my girls night out and insult me in the process, things got weird.  

A few weeks ago I met a guy who seemed very interested in me. On sight, he wasn’t someone I’d usually give a chance but since I’d been on a whole I’m open to all kinds of guys thing for awhile (which I’m now ditching and with legitimate reasons…) I felt at the very least, I could still be kind. We briefly chatted and when we talked a number of red flags went off in my head, but me being me was just trying to be nice. As our talk ended and we parted ways he handed me his phone and said, I know you said you’re just open to friendship at the moment but we should grab coffee, sometime. When are you free? I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I gave him my number and told him I’m really busy and have a lot going on right now, so I’ll just let you know. Honestly, I didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of going for coffee with him because I could tell he really liked me and even if it was a friendly coffee, I didn’t want to lead him on. So, we texted once. Just once. He thanked me for a nice conversation and I responded with well wishes and didn’t think about it again. The following week he texted again, and I didn’t respond because I didn’t want to engage him any further since I knew I wasn’t interested. Again, I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea. I thought my mentioning of how busy I was would’ve been an obvious indication not to contact me, but he didn’t get it… which was kind of my fault for not being fully straight up.

I didn’t anticipate seeing him again…until I did and our encounter gave me the creeps.

I was out celebrating my start at a new job and a visit from an out of town friend, when out of nowhere, the same guy I mentioned above approached us. He had his hand up for a high five from me and I’m sure the horrified look on my face didn’t make things less awkward than they were about to become. I spoke out of politeness but really wanted him to go away. He told my friends that he and I were friends, which was untrue. I quickly corrected him and said we were acquainted and had only met once. He then proceeded to spark conversations with my girlfriends, asked the waiter for a seat at our table and when he took a seat, he went on to make rude comments about me that were way off. Luckily, my friends were present. One friend was defending me while the other had her menu pulled up to her face, with a puzzled who is this guy look. I was texting my friends under the table so they’d know that I really didn’t know him as well as he was trying to act like I did. Again, we had only met once. All of this was super uncomfortable and honestly a bit scary. He eventually got up and left but I couldn’t believe what had just happened. It never registered to me to ask him to leave or to get security, because I froze but I was definitely upset. Once I calmed down, my friends and I laughed about it and I was able to get back to my evening and not let the encounter ruin our night. Shorty after, one of my friends had a nice heart to heart with me about boundaries, and basically explained that there was nothing wrong with telling guys who came off like he did to get lost. When I first met this guy it was clear that he was immature and his social skills were questionable (which wasn’t surprising considering where we met, as this seemed to be common amongst most of the guys from the particular environment.) But it was certainly a learning lesson and I was able to recognize where I messed up…

Mistake #1 I should’ve never given out my number. I could’ve and should’ve said no.

Mistake #2 I should’ve asked him to leave when he took a seat at our table. If he had tried to make a scene, I could’ve alerted security.

Mistake #3 I should’ve been more direct from the start (since he wasn’t gathering that I wasn’t interested.)


If you’re not interested in someone, it’s fine and okay to be direct about it so they don’t get the wrong idea. In cases like this my kindness jammed me up. I still believe in having a friendly approach when turning someone down but every situation is different. As far as being open goes, I think I’m done with that. I’m pulling back and won’t be overlooking things and lowering my standards anytime soon. I understand that no one is perfect but my willingness to be open hasn’t worked in my favor and it’s not something I anticipate flexing on anytime soon lol. It is what it is. 
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