Some guys are total creepers and some women are too trusting. This was clearly the case in the Netflix and also Lifetime series, You. The series follows a young woman named Beck who finds herself wooed by a bookstore worker named Joe. The two begin a relationship that quickly begins heating up after Joe uses social media and the internet to track, creep on, and monitor Beck's every move. He finds out where she lives, watches her from a distance while she’s in her home, even during incredibly private moments not meant for public consumption -- however she did have open windows with no curtains up, which I found odd for a single woman living alone in New York. Joe also knew who her friends were, who she hung out with, her family, and more. All of this was unknown to Beck who…spoiler alert: only learns of Joe and his creepy ways far too late in the series, later leading to serious consequences for her and those she’s close to. After the first episode of the series, I was amazed and creeped out at how this guy was able to infiltrate so much of this young woman’s life. The power and impact of social media and the internet in the show was scary. Guys like Joe exist and naïve women like Beck do too. That said, I thought it’d be cool to remind both men and women, especially women, to use extreme caution before getting seriously involved with anyone. How so?
Post Wisely. None of Beck’s social media accounts or electronics were private. She posted a lot about where she was and what she was up to. All. The. Time. Joe knew where she went to college, cool places she frequented with friends, and tracked her location settings from different posts. A lot of people still do stuff like that, not thinking about the fact that someone they’re friends with or just happen to meet after a casual encounter could have an unbalanced crush or infatuation towards them. That said, post wisely and manage your settings. My close friends and I sparingly use the “check-in” feature on social media, location tags, or post our photos in real time. I usually wait to post photos because I’m all about living in the moment, but some people don’t feel the same way. Be careful. It’s not good for everyone to know your every move and what you’re up to all the time. Post what you want, just post wisely.
Check In With Close Fam & Friends. In You, Beck had a small squad of girlfriends, and one of her friends really didn’t like Joe. Sometimes our friends may not like our significant others. It happens. But if one friend consistently brings up something that seems off about who you’re seeing, consider listening to them. Sometimes love, lust, or strong feelings can blind people to red flags that others in their lives recognize on sight. Joe rarely mentioned his family or friends or exes until Beck asked much later. If you’re seeing someone on a regular basis, let your fam and friends know too so they know who you may be out with or spending time with. In the past when some of my friends and I would go on dates, we’d check in with each other just for safety. Unfortunately, not all guys have great intentions and if something ever went sideways, at least your loved ones would know who you’re with and where you are so they can get to you if they need to.
Trust Your Gut. As I watched each episode of You, I was amazed at how a brilliant, beautiful, bright, and college-educated young woman like Beck got caught up with a creeper like Joe. She had practically no wisdom. She also had other guys coming in and out of her home so casually that it was unbelievable. I get that it’s 2019 and some people are into dating apps and casual hookups, but discernment is important and could even save your life. Use it. Beck had one friend who knew deep down that Joe was not a quality guy. Even Beck questioned his behavior at different points but never cut him loose for good. If you’re seeing someone and you get a bad feeling, a weird instinct that something’s off with them, or feel unsafe, get away from them and stay away. Your gut may be triggering warnings to take off before you’re in too deep. Look out for yourself and be smart. You’ve got this.