And the guy who said it was an upperclassman who had just broken up with his girlfriend. I’m not entirely sure what happened between the two of them, but I knew he didn't want anything to do with her anymore. And in that moment, I also knew that I never wanted to be called that word. Ever. I would later hear about other girls I went to school with being ridiculed and referenced by that term once word got out about how some of them carried themselves. And while I knew the use of that word wasn’t kind or a good thing to be known for, I had mixed feelings about it. Especially since some of my former friends and peers who fell under that term would sometimes make fun of me for not carrying on like they were and would snidely say stupid things to me like, “You’re a goody-two-shoes,” “You’re not better than me,” and “Well, you know what they say. Good girls finish last.”
Being “good” doesn’t mean that I’ve never fallen short or made a mistake.
I don’t think I’m better than anyone. I really don’t.
And I would argue that good girls finish smarter, wiser, and respectfully. Not last. But anyway.
Because I was a naïve teenager (super-duper Christian and not fully aware of high school politics and how dating worked back then), I just knew I wanted to steer clear of being fast. Although I deeply longed for a boyfriend, I wasn’t willing to cave into any peer pressure or do different things some of my friends and peers were doing to have or keep one, so I didn’t date at all. This meant, I went through high school never having had a boyfriend. I was raised to be a modest young woman, and I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. Plus, I’d heard that while guys may have enjoyed hooking up with girls who were being fast, they would never want to get seriously involved with someone who had a bad reputation. So I always aimed to stay out of trouble.
However, as an adult, it became difficult, discouraging, and frustrating to stay the course once I saw women with questionable reputations getting into serious relationships, getting engaged, and eventually married. While other women I knew, who’d essentially spent their whole lives being good girls, remained single and unmarried. Some of them grew bitter. Others were heartbroken. And more were confused. So was I. I had to go to God to get myself together many times because I honestly went through a ton of emotional turmoil with this. And then I thought about the contrast between hos and housewives.
There’s a saying that goes, “You can’t turn a ho into a housewife.” Ho vs. housewife? Hmmm…
What do you think?
Both are two extremes that are pitted against one another and imply that one is better than the other. If a woman has many sexual encounters and doesn’t show any discretion or regrets about how she carries herself, some might consider her a ho. On the other hand, some may consider women who are open and unapologetic about their sexuality to be confident. But if one falls under the category of being more reserved, some could argue that the housewife type is more worthy of a healthy and long-term relationship that leads to a serious commitment like marriage. Regardless, there are some women who have had reputations for being hos who still get married, and ones with reputations for being wife material who don’t. So how does that work? Do you think it’s right or fair? I guess people can change and aren’t necessarily bound to things they’ve done in the past, but I imagine this looks different for everyone. I’ve talked to guys who’ve been upfront with me about how they went through a ho phase until they got bored and eventually realized they wanted to settle down with someone serious, which is interesting. Especially since guys seem to get a pass with things like this, leaving women to fall under an either-or category. Maybe some might fall somewhere in between. Who knows? Navigating the complexities between the ho vs. housewife debate is definitely an interesting thing to explore.