When I was a teenager, I remember writing a list of my greatest fears. One of the things I listed was death. Looking back, it was an interesting item to list because inevitably, death is something each of us will face at some point in our lives. Even though it’s no longer a fear of mine, I understand why and how it’s not a comfortable thing for everyone to navigate. But regardless, this past summer I completed a detailed will. I signed it, had witnesses sign it, and got it notarized. As I was getting everything done, one of the witnesses looked at me and said, “You know, it’s just that you’re so young…” I’ve learned that death doesn’t care how young or how old you are. You can be five, fifteen, thirty, or fifty, and it’s still something that happens. Completing my will wasn’t scary. It gave me peace of mind having documentation in place stating my detailed directives and requests.
A year ago, I had one of my kidneys removed. It was a surgery that came with risks that were presented clearly to me. Although I believed I would be fine and maintained I was in God’s hands, I also knew there was a chance I could have died. In the time leading up to that surgery, it was hard having these kinds of conversations with loved ones, who would often cry and were saddened when I was transparent with them about this.
My family had still been grieving major losses that occurred in 2018 when my aunt (my mom’s sister) passed, in 2022 when my other aunt (my dad’s sister) passed, and when my grandfather (my mom’s dad) passed in 2023, so I get why open discussions about death were hard. Shortly after these losses, important conversations came up in my family about estate planning and the importance of having wills in place.
I learned that my aunts didn’t have wills and that my mother and her immediate siblings weren’t left anything after my grandfather passed away. These situations presented tension, hurt, and disappointments that could have been handled differently if things had been handled better when it came to documentation being in place and transparent conversations.
Some of the misconceptions about having a will is that they’re only for “rich people,” that there will always be plenty of time to plan one, that our loved ones can be trusted to do the right thing, and more. If you’re single, married, divorced, child-free, have kids, have pets, own property, have sentimental and valuable assets, or anything else important to you that you don’t want the state to have, strangers, or greedy, entitled, and untrustworthy relatives, then you need a will in place. It’s also advisable to consider a trust and to update your will as your life changes due to marriage, having children, having a blended family, divorcing, or any other major life changes that occur. Ultimately, do what’s best for you, but think about your loved ones and the kind of position you want them to be in when you’re no longer present.