It’s a common question asked to many singles. “Why are you still single?” It’s usually followed by unsolicited advice about what to do to change one’s status. When asked this question, my response as a bachelorette is usually to ask the person/people asking me, “Why?” I don’t ask couples why they’re couples. I don’t ask people how they raise their kids. And I usually don’t ask into other people’s business at all because minding my own business occupies me enough. Some of my single friends, family, and colleagues get upset, defensive even, (and justifiably so) whenever someone asks them, “Why are you still single?” I wonder do the people asking the question ever think that maybe someone’s single because they choose to be? A relationship or settling down or dating is not a priority or necessity for everyone. There are a lot of women who are perfectly content doing their own thing, living their own life, and tenaciously going after their own goals and dreams. Then there are some who are single who would love nothing more than to be out dating, in a relationship, or settling down, but even so, why is that anyone else’s business? Sadly, it’s often assumed that something must be wrong with you if you’re a woman who’s unattached. And the older you get and the more single you remain the more questions start flooding in.
I just celebrated my 29th birthday and my father even asked me, “Hey pal, when can I start expecting some grandchildren?” “If God wills it, it’ll happen,” I responded. “And I can always adopt. But I’m in no rush. There’s a lot I want to accomplish on my own before I could consider being a mom or even a wife.” And I mean that. I’ve got books to publish, goals and dreams to accomplish, countries to travel to, girls’ trips to take, and so much more!
I believe my parents will have plenty of time to be grandparents. Again, I’m in no rush. But I understand how some women my age or older who are single, might be. A counselor I recently talked with told me I should consider freezing my eggs and to use caution when considering adoption. Her advice prompted a little worry but not enough for me to panic or to immediately consult with my doctor about freezing my eggs.
Sometimes, your singleness might worry people. Prompt concern. And may even threaten some.
Who are you to be content, single, unbothered, and out here living whole and happy on your own?
I say you’re an extraordinary, brave, and beautiful bachelorette, who’s whole with or without someone else in the picture or by your side. Guys who are single are celebrated and called bachelors. Single women don’t often get a cool name. Instead, they’re often insulted and ridiculed and called old maids, spinsters, or crazy cat ladies.
But I believe bachelorette sounds cool. It is cool. It’s fun and it’s sexy. It has a nice ring to it too.
One of my biggest regrets and disappointments was believing, for years, that I was supposed to pray for a husband, settle down, and get excited about starting a life with someone. I wanted those things. And when I waited, prayed, was proactive, and did everything people in church told me I was supposed to do and was faithful and hopeful, I was continually met with disappointment. Which honestly, for a while, led to a level of resentment and some long seasons of sadness and frustration. I know other young women, particularly Christian women, who either feel or have felt the exact same way but been afraid to admit it. I don’t mind speaking or writing for the majority who’ve been there. I get it. You have a right to be upset and you can be honest and own how you feel. You’re not obligated to fake a smile, pretend to be okay, or not feel some type of way about not getting what you want. Eventually, I got tired of waiting and decided to live my life as my own woman instead. Boldly, wholeheartedly, and unapologetically. If God wills a great godly guy who can be a loyal and trustworthy partner, provider, and protector in my life, it’ll happen. Having a baby, conventionally or unconventionally, will happen too. If not? I’ll figure out a way to deal with it. It’s 2019. If a woman is single, whether by choice or circumstances or challenges, leave her alone. Better yet, mind your own business. Those of you asking or suggesting that something’s wrong with someone for being single should take the time and energy you spend checking in on singles to focus on your own relationships. Unless someone opens up to you or asks for advice or suggestions about changing their status, butt out. Thank you kindly.