I’ve been considered a villain in different people’s stories. No matter how kind and loving you are, everyone is capable of being cast as a villain in someone else’s story. Sometimes it happens intentionally. Other times it just happens. And I will submit that the traditional definition of a villain won’t always be what or who you think, either. We all make mistakes and have our own versions of the truth in the roles we’ve played in other people’s lives. Especially regarding severed ties in different relationships. This became clear to me one evening as I was writing and reflecting on the various roles I’ve played in the demise of some of my own past relationships.
I’m a great listener. A lot of people, even strangers, have come to me with their problems and wanted guidance, help, mentorship, counsel, or some spiritual insight. And while I know God’s called me to help people, I’m not a licensed counselor... although different people have encouraged me to pursue a master’s degree in the field, due to the capacity people come to me with their problems. A confidant once told me, “If you’re going to listen to people’s problems you might as well get paid for it.” I’m not impressed or motivated by things like additional degrees or dollar signs – although I do value financial stability. We’ll see, though. Here’s what I do know:
I’m a Christian.
I’m a writer and blogger.
And by trade, I’m also an advisor.
Because of those things, I know I must be intentional and exercise discernment about boundaries between myself, my time, and with different people (who aren’t my friends) who might mistake our connections as a friendship or something more. Being passive and expecting another person to assume you are not friends with them isn’t cool, yet, I’ve made this mistake many times and recognize how painful that can be for those I’m involved with or have been involved with in the past. The word friend is tossed around too casually these days. It’s even been reduced to something as insincere as a social media friend or follower request. It’s no wonder so many of us may be unclear about our roles in the lives of those we encounter. Lines get blurred. Unmatched expectations are built. And people get hurt. See how one can become a villain?
For me, in the past, boundary lines or mixed messages happened because someone I helped or was friendly with mistook our relationship as a friendship or ended up liking me, which later caused confusion about roles and misplaced expectations on both ends. Because of that, I’m more guarded and selective now. Unfortunately, with that realization, I unintentionally ruined some relationships and caused some hurt and pain for different people who thought we were close or actually friends.
I’m deeply sorry for anyone I’ve done this to. It’s never been my intention to hurt anyone. Hurting others is a choice and sometimes, we hurt people and don’t realize it until we take a long, hard look in the mirror at ourselves and our actions and see where we messed up.
So, my dear readers, if God’s called you to help people or you’re just someone who’s a good listener and go-to for those seeking help, make sure your boundaries are clear about who you are in relation to those you help. Don’t be a villain or allow yourself to become an accidental one. It’s not a good look for anyone.
Unless you’re Michael B. Jordan shirtless as Killmonger… #stud #wakandaforever.
He’s the only exception.