When crabs are in a barrel making an attempt to climb out, a number of other crabs will pull the ones attempting to escape, down, in an effort to stop the crabs desiring to climb up and out, back down. This phenomenon amongst these snippy crustaceans is often identified as a “crab mentality.” Sadly, a number of black folks have this same mentality when it relates to others within their own community. We all come from diverse backgrounds and upbringings, but not everyone is afforded the same opportunities. I grew aware of this growing up as I was jokingly and sometimes cruelly referred to as “bougie” the “white-black girl” or heard things like, “You’re not better than me.” I never saw myself as those things, and while I do enjoy certain things in life and own my bougie taste for different things, I’ve never aimed to look down on anyone else, judge them, or compete with someone within my own race for sport. I’m all for everyone choosing to better themselves. However, different communities of blacks may frown upon or even grow intimidated by other blacks who haven't fallen into the category of familiarity or negative stereotypes which continually embody our race and culture. There's more to black people than baby mamas, baby mama drama, gangs, drugs, drive-bys, lack of education, being hood rich, poverty, welfare and anything you’ve ever seen on an episode of Empire (which is a great show. I admire both the business and hood sides of Cookie and Lucious Lyon.) There are also blacks who are into education, black excellence, bettering themselves, and not falling prey to what some may view as negative pitfalls within our community. And here is where the divide and problems start. Say someone in the first set of blacks described decides their surroundings are not what they want and decide to go to college. I promise you one of two things will happen. They'll catch heat from someone in their group of friends or family who clown or try to discourage their decision for school and forge ahead with school regardless or they'll fall in with what they've always seen and known out of fear of leaving behind the familiar. On the other hand are blacks who may have never, ever struggled a day in their life. They may be smart, well educated, and make a great living, but not be able to relate to others blacks, or worse, think they can buy their way into different places and opportunities. Know this: there are some things money can’t buy. You can’t buy people or buy in to just anywhere. Life doesn’t work that way. And pulling others down or trying to sabotage opportunities for someone else won’t make you better or even qualified to have what someone else has. You can have the life you want if you are willing to put in the work for it. For some ridiculous reason, I’ve met people who’ve been jealous of my family and myself and had the perception that I’m really well off and came from a financially well off family. Truth? I’m blessed and doing okay but I learned about hard work, saving money, and mindfulness about mishandling funds at a young age. My parents pushed for excellence and my father always emphasized the importance of my brother and I having "options." My parents were and still are hard workers and my father always held down jobs and would sometimes take multiple jobs he didn’t want to take to support our family. My mom worked too. My late grandmother was a janitor and would have my cousins and me along with her when we were kids, and we’d all grab a broom, mop, bucket, and rag and get to work. And we had fun doing it. No matter how much or how little amount of money came in, my parents prioritized exposing my brother and me to things beyond our environment. I remember looking at houses we couldn't afford in expensive neighborhoods, museum visits, regular library trips, trying different restaurants, and although we were sheltered Christians, we also were exposed to secular music via routine trips to music stores (which are far and few between these days) and more. I remember being little and walking to stores because we didn’t have a car (my brother and I felt like we were on mini field trips and were very much unaware of a struggle.) One year in middle school, I remember going thrift store shopping for school clothes and I enjoyed it. And when I was in high school, my parents, myself, and my brother would routinely clean a dialysis building to bring in extra income. My brother and I stayed out of trouble, worked hard at different things we were individually good at, got through college, and according to a family friend, apparently, my parents raised "successful kids." I’ve seen both sides of the coin and have seen and experienced setbacks and struggle. I’m not into competing with anyone. I have nothing to prove, don’t look down on others, and definitely not trying to keep up with the Joneses. I’m doing me and have no problem seeing other people win. There’s enough room for us all to succeed.
I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space. I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...