Skip to main content

Before You Say “I Do”

I’ve had the great fortune to peek into the lives and actually speak with a number of married, separated, and divorced folks who’ve been able to give me tremendous amounts of insight into their lives. I’ve obtained valuable information from them all. I don’t pass up opportunities to glean from their lives, because I’ve learned things I would’ve never thought about in the first place. Below are some of my findings and advice I’ve received from different men and women (older and younger) who’ve openly shared their experiences with marriage, separations, and divorce. Check it out…
From the married folks…
Don’t make permanent financial decisions and purchases based on someone else’s income (always be in a position to take care of yourself no matter what.)
Get pre-marital counseling.
Live a whole, full life on your own before committing to anyone long term.
Take your time and don’t rush into marriage.
Relationships are hard work.
If you see something that’s not right about the person at the beginning, don’t marry them.

From the separated and divorced folks…
Don’t do it. “It” being marriage.
Stay independent.
While you’re in your twenties, make sure you’re putting yourself first.
If the relationship is already in trouble, getting married or having kids won’t make things better, it’s just going to cause more problems.
Save marriage for way down the line. Like, way later in life.
Keep your friends and family out of your business. (In regards to issues with the relationship)
Take your time and don’t be in a hurry to get married.
A wedding is just one day and a few hours of your life. Take your time. In a marriage everybody will try to have a say about your life and what you should be doing, and how to raise your kids and etc. So, take your time.
Don’t wait until after the wedding to discover how you both view life and the world.
If you see something that’s not right, or have hesitation, don’t marry them.
When I learned these different things, I found them very eye-opening and insightful. I hope anyone reading is able to benefit from them as well. I know I have.


Popular posts from this blog

Thoughts From a Black Educator: Qualified, Credentialed, and Constantly Undermined

I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space.  I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...

Stop Saying Stupid Stuff To People Who Are Childless

I’m convinced that many people don’t think before they speak. Especially when it comes to interacting with people who don’t have children. Normally, I’ve held my peace with this and felt the need to solely address women when it comes to this topic, but lately this is a message that men can benefit from too. Stop saying stupid stuff to people who don’t have children . I know this might be a difficult task for those of you who are nosey, have concerns that have nothing to do with you, or may be unhappy in your own life, but stop with the questions, jokes, and reckless comments. Even if you believe you’re being funny, making conversation, or coming from a genuine place, you’re honestly out of line. Because someone not having children and why is none of your business. I don’t have children, and I honestly don’t know if I will, but as a woman, I’m good with my life either way. I’ll always be grateful for what I have instead of lamenting about what I don’t. Which is probably why getting olde...

The Day I Made A Will

When I was a teenager, I remember writing a list of my greatest fears. One of the things I listed was death. Looking back, it was an interesting item to list because inevitably, death is something each of us will face at some point in our lives. Even though it’s no longer a fear of mine, I understand why and how it’s not a comfortable thing for everyone to navigate. But regardless, this past summer I completed a detailed will. I signed it, had witnesses sign it, and got it notarized. As I was getting everything done, one of the witnesses looked at me and said, “You know, it’s just that you’re so young…” I’ve learned that death doesn’t care how young or how old you are. You can be five, fifteen, thirty, or fifty, and it’s still something that happens. Completing my will wasn’t scary. It gave me peace of mind having documentation in place stating my detailed directives and requests. A year ago, I had one of my kidneys removed. It was a surgery that came with risks that were presented cle...