Worship

I closed my eyes, lifted my hands and cried. I never experienced something so freeing, powerful, beautiful and peaceful, all at once in my entire life. When I finally did, I understood for the very first time, why so many people did it. I’m talking about, worship. John 4:24 reads, “God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth.” I’ve been saved since I was seven years old, have scriptures engraved in my heart and my mind like a bible in human form, but I never knew how to worship. I never got why people would cry, lift their hands, sing, and how they could be so free. To be honest, I found it strange and was terrified to participate. In any church setting I’d ever been in, I always felt like people were watching me, and if they ever saw me be so vulnerable, they’d think something was wrong with me. I thought this until I had a night that changed my life, forever. In January my Alma mater had a worship night. I had original plans to go with a friend, and when she bailed at the last minute, I was disappointed and almost backed out of going. If I had done that, I would’ve missed out big time. Anyways, I really wanted and needed to go. I was really broken at this particular season of my life, and was trying to get put back together, so I thought the worship night could help. As I walked up to a stretched line outside of the chapel, I felt some type of way. I thought, I really don’t want to be here alone. Everyone else is here with friends and I’m by myself. I can do this, though. As I waited in line, a group of girls walked up behind me laughing and chatting. When one of them made a tiny joke, I decided to jump in their conversation, and then God set things in motion. None of us had ever met. We didn’t know each other, but when one of them asked, “Are you here alone?” and I replied, “Yes” my loneliness eased when she said seven words, “Do you want to sit with us?” Right then, I knew I made the right choice. As we introduced ourselves to each other, I discovered one of the young women and I had actually been in one of the same online groups and courses we were taking at the time, so us happening to be in line right next to each other was too real. When we all made our way to be seated inside, another girl joined along (who would later become a good friend as well) and when the night began, I went from going to a worship night solo, to be embraced by a group of strangers I’d never met, and without hesitation, I let go and leaned into worship. The night was incredible and one I’ll never forget. The Holy Spirit’s presence was flowing. When the music played and we all worshiped, I realized that no one cared what I looked like and honestly, weren’t thinking about me, because they were busy worshipping, too. It was the first time I let myself be fully vulnerable, and let God take all the weights I’d been carrying. All the weights of things beyond my control, all the heavy bricks of my brokenness, disappointments, and everything else I’d been carrying was lifted. I felt like I could breathe fresh air, and during all my time as a believer, I never understood worship until that night. I had to surrender to worship, because all the things I’d been doing to fix myself weren’t working, but worship? It works. When I’m in a posture of worship, I’m in a place where I can connect with God, and experience something that I can’t fully put into words. Now, I get it.