As a woman, I don’t believe you should try to take on the role of being your guy’s savior.
I know this may be tough to address. Especially if you’re a woman currently involved or has been previously involved with a needy or emotionally draining guy, but I’m navigating this topic because upon close examination and because different women have expressed to me that they’re “tired of needy guys…” I knew this was important to write about.
I’ve had friends, family, and acquaintances express frustrations, fears, and disappointments about being with guys they’ve described as needy. This is not a good thing. While I believe it’s okay to have realistic needs that can be met and to vocalize those needs, I believe it’s unhealthy and unrealistic for a guy to expect his woman to take on the role of being a therapist-like girlfriend/partner/fiancée/wife (depending on which category you fall under) and being the go-to for all of his emotional well-being and needs.
No one, except for God, a licensed professional, or spiritual counselor, is likely able to fully help with those needs.
I’m a great listener so I’ve had guys come to me with all kinds of stuff they’ve dealt with, been up against, discouraged about, and more, however, I already have women who come to me with these things on a regular basis, so, while I enjoy helping others navigate through certain challenges, I don’t necessarily want to take on a counseling role with someone I’m in a relationship with. Basically: I want to be your woman, not your therapist. I will be there for you when things get rough, pray for you, encourage you, and motivate you to strategize and seek professional help if you need it, but I understand my boundaries and limitations and what I won’t do is take on something I’m not equipped to handle.
I would never call (or recommend calling) a guy needy to his face, but this year, I was upfront with a guy I was talking to about how I didn’t want to be with someone needy. I’d recently finished breaking away from different people in my life who were overwhelming me with a lot of their emotional needs and issues that I no longer felt I was equipped to handle, and I wasn’t interested in dating anyone who would do the same. Although the guy I was talking to was nice and had good intentions, looking back, I knew we weren’t right for each other. My delivery about neediness might have offended him, as he grew silent when we talked about it, but I just wanted to be honest. I believe honesty and transparency are important and being a direct woman vs. one that stays silent and doesn’t speak up can be problematic later.
Only you can decide what you’re able to handle or not, but I advise taking the time to figure out what you can take on and who or what you need to let go of. Remember, you can be there for your guy without losing yourself. And it’s okay to be there for someone, but you can’t help everyone or try to be someone’s therapist either.