My heartbeat was rapid and I was covered in sweat. I did my best to remain calm. Over an hour had passed and it was only by the grace of God that everything turned out okay.
I’d just got finished convincing a woman to not end her own life.
When she explained what she was about to do, I froze at first. You got this, stay calm… was the thought that settled in my mind. I didn’t want to scare her (although I was scared too) so, I stayed as calm as I could as we talked. I was mindful to avoid using the line, “You have everything to live for…” that people use far too often when helping someone through this kind of crisis. Instead, I just asked her what was going on.
In a past season, a friend of mine was contemplating suicide and we were able to talk through things, so I did what I did with my friend.
I just listened.
And I understood how she felt.
While I’ve never been pushed to the point of suicide, I know exactly what it feels like to be in despair and feel as if you’re going through something by yourself, and not have a family member or friend or colleague or anyone else able to tell that something was wrong. I’ve had moments when I wanted to disappear, stay in bed, and not have to deal with things happening to me and around me. There have been plenty of times when I showed up with a smile and encouraged other people, prayed with them, and quoted scriptures… and behind closed doors was going through my own silent storms, having meltdowns, losing my appetite, stressed as hell, unable to sleep through the night, crying to a point where I felt completely hollowed out, exhausted from crying, discouraged, and enduring seasons of being heavily frustrated in my spirit... all while hearing ridiculous things from people like, “You just seem, like, so put together…” The outside of who we are doesn’t always reveal what’s going on inside, does it?
Perception vs. reality is something a lot of people get twisted these days. Even people who may think they know you well can be so utterly blind and clueless regarding who you really are and what you’re going through.
I won’t disclose the details about why this woman was considering harming herself, but I did realize some key things about her: she was hurting, but she was also brilliant and blessed and still had a lot more living to do. Even if she didn’t realize it. How could someone so brilliant and blessed get to this point? Life. Life happened to her. And at the time, it sounded like it was too much for her to bear. As I listened to her, I shared some of my own challenges, and how God helped me through them. I shared myself as she shared herself. We didn’t know each other well, but I felt responsible for her since she came to me, so I continued to listen to her, prayed with her, and even made her laugh a little.
And she chose life.
I was relieved she did. And at ease knowing she was also going to get help. Different people who knew what had just happened offered to pray over me. But I didn’t want them to. I decided to retreat on my own and go for a walk. Once my head cleared and things settled, I was fine. All I kept thinking was, I can’t believe that just happened.
Some people have mixed feelings about suicide and suicide victims. More often than not, people judge them and even dare to persecute those who’ve attempted to do so or have followed through with taking their own lives. I can’t speak for everyone, but one thing I do know is this life is still worth living. We’re all fighting battles, so instead of judging, persecuting, or giving up on people, we can all benefit from listening. There are so many people who don’t listen and pay attention. Too many people overlook the fact that someone they know, or encounter, may be depressed, depleted, in trouble, lonely, pained, or feel like giving up on themselves.
Listen to people and pay attention. Don’t let, “How are you?” become a casual and careless greeting. Be intentional when you ask that question and sincere enough to show you care.
Life can be hard.
But God is right there going through it with each and every last one of us. And He’s listening too. Choose life.